Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
