it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
