You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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