I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
