I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
