he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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