how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
