I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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