if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize