just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
