she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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