I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
