Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
