i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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