Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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