You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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