So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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