Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
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you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
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Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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