I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
