I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
