Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
