I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize