If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
