his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
