You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
