i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
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Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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