a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
