i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
