I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
