Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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