Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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