A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
