We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
