All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
