I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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