vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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