i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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