im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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