Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
