I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
