my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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