I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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