i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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