apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
