this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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