I murdered the dance floor call the cops
no you cant smoke seaweed
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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