I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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