I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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