bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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