I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
