normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
