I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
