I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
