when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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