Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
