you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
