I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
