At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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