He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
