and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There are leaves in my underwear?
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