Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
