If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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