Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
