Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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