You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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