when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
